Saturday, December 22, 2012

I Don't Do Drugs

J
Nico
Eane
Sergz
Me

So I invited my friends on a late night dinner in a pub. Nothin felt as good when you are with the people you care about and people you are comfortable with. I really had fun with them until a joke was thrown at me like a meteorite.

I just found it off and out of line. I know that he never meant what he said but it got me like a knife stabbing right through my heart. It brings all the pain from the past and laid it all in front of me like all the items on sale.  All my life I had been running away from this demon but it keeps on chasing me. 

I think its about time I talk about it. Maybe by talking about it would ease up  the pain I had been hiding since I was 9. My brother was/is a drug addict. Though he seems to be sober now coz he just got out of rehab. Because of it, I blamed him for all the things that happened within our family. I blamed him because I never get to have the things they had when they were about my age. I blamed him because I felt like I was robbed off my childhood and forced to be an adult. At some point I never understand the situation. I had a very wild high school life. I was doing all the bad things just to get my parents attention. I almost got expelled. Sometimes I asked myself questions to the things that happened but I felt like the answers were not for me. I still don't know. 

I think that this is the reason why I get easily attached to people who gives me the attention and I always end up being hurt when the attention runs out. Believe me. The pain is real!


So yeah! I just wanna put it out there. I hangout with people who do drugs because they give me the attention that I want and not some other things. I DON'T DO DRUGS. I NEVER WAS. I NEVER WILL.
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