Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Making Decisions


Today, I made a decision. Probably the hardest I ever made. It involves every aspect of my life. As a person. As a human being. 


The Backstory:

Well, if you don't know me. I don't let anybody get close as any normal person would. I always had these walls up. Even at work. I don't consider everyone as my friend. Yes we all get along just fine but again, my walls are always up. 

There was this someone, let's just call him Gee. That's the nickname I gave him. I always have special names for my friends that Im the only one calling them. (There's Garutay, lablab, baby girl, true love, first live, baby boy) yeah Im weird like that. He calls me supervisor.

He bacame one of the people I trust, not only with my life but with my parents' as well. We hang, we laugh and we whine about life together. He was really cool and all. When something went wrong, I always go out of my way just to make sure he is okay. 

Few months went by and we were okay. It was exactly a month ago when everything went crumbling down. He shut me out of his life. We stopped everything we used to do. He dropped me off like a hot potato and pushed me into the drain. HE WALKED OUT, I was LEFT OUT. 

He even sold me out on facebook. He posted about people from work were talking about him seeing someone. I tried reaching out to him but instead he posted to mind our own business and to go to the gym. It doesn't need rocket science to figure this one out. I know it was about me. 

Just kept my distance and stay silent because I don't want to hurt him for the things that I might say. 

Last Saturday, It was my last straw. I went berserk and walked out. 


This whole thing made me question myself. It gives me self doubt. It made me question  the fact that I can't make friends (in the real sense of the word). All I understand is, I have ISSUES. All this, I blame myself to. I felt like a nutcase. 

I know we said sorry to each other. I am really sorry for the things that I have put you through. I'M SO SORRY I AM DIFFICULT. 



I would like to go back to where we were but things changed and that's just the way it is. This time I think you were wrong. YOU ARE NOT LETTING GO. You are giving up but it's okay. because this time I know where I stand. I KNOW WHERE TO GO.

9 comments :

  1. Aww, that's tough stuff but I hope that you two eventually get to clear some air + patch things up and be friends again. I'd like to ask though, in the nearer future will you consider making the first move to make things better between you two?

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  2. Life is too short to build big fences and shoo people away. One of the reasons why it didn't work because of "maybe" with your preference. I don't know the entire story, hoping everything will be okay.

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  3. In some part in life, we need to face struggle and move on. I think you just need a fresh air and start over, do not ever afraid to fail. Overcome it and you'l be okay.

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  4. I guess you already did you part. You mentioned that you tried reaching out to him but he's the one who shut you off. Give him time and if nothing still happens, it's his loss anyway. You are a good friend.

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  5. It's really tough to see parting of ways and especially if its a close friend. I hope you eventually work things out and eventually move on.

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  6. i like the quotation :"it if scares you, it might be a good thing to try." this very courageous line of thought. But then life is short and in our quest for happiness we dare try many things. Unfortunately there's always a price....Wishing you the best :)

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  7. One thing I have learned in life is that we all have our own issues. And you just have to find the people who are willing to share their issues with you. Of course, we have to consider their issues as well. At the end of the day, what matters is that we get to be brave in facing life's challenges.

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  8. HUgs to you Skinny! I'm sure you'll patch things up eventually but for the mean time, move on. I'm sure you'll find more friends just open your heart to it.

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  9. I don't know the whole story but I think life is too short to build up walls. I hope you'll get through this and find more friends who will stay with you always.

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