Wednesday, May 06, 2015

I Have Issues


Now, everybody wanna know what my facebook posts were up to. I know it got you thinking about the things that I am up to. I was caught up into a chain of emotions I shouldn't be feeling. I have been wrong before and I never really learned anything. I wore my heart on my sleeves and trust people so easily. So I let them in my life and give people the chance. I only mean well to them. I have been holding my breath and hope that when people get close enough they wont leave. That when I show them the real me they wont pack their bags. That they wont unsubscribe to all my issues. 

Maybe I should have known that people would just walk out of your life without warning. I can't believe I stayed up all night thinking of reasons why. I just have to make myself understand. 

I've been fucked up by people so many times. Seems like I don't get jaded with what this vicious cycle had been to me. 

It gives me trust issues. I can't keep on acting like nothing is wrong with my life. Everything is wrong. I am so fucked up. I am so empty so broken inside.

Sometimes I just have to fake a smile coz it's the easiest thing to do. I wonder if everything about me could be fake so nothing will be broken again. 

I wonder if people fight with all the battles I fight in my mind. I wonder when they turn off the lights will their demons go out at night? Does it also scare them to go to bed thinking about how the next day will play out?

I have finally figure out how to build walls around my emotions. I had it so high that people can't look over. I got it side to sides and keep myself in where it is safe. 

I don't want to feel anything. I have go push this feelings in and pretend that they don't exist anymore.

I have to look at people with my head held up high and eyes closed. They don't have know that deep inside I'm such a mess. 

Fuck feelings I am here to party!! 

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