Today, I made a decision. Probably the hardest I ever made. It involves every aspect of my life. As a person. As a human being.
The Backstory:
Well, if you don't know me. I don't let anybody get close as any normal person would. I always had these walls up. Even at work. I don't consider everyone as my friend. Yes we all get along just fine but again, my walls are always up.
There was this someone, let's just call him Gee. That's the nickname I gave him. I always have special names for my friends that Im the only one calling them. (There's Garutay, lablab, baby girl, true love, first live, baby boy) yeah Im weird like that. He calls me supervisor.
He bacame one of the people I trust, not only with my life but with my parents' as well. We hang, we laugh and we whine about life together. He was really cool and all. When something went wrong, I always go out of my way just to make sure he is okay.
Few months went by and we were okay. It was exactly a month ago when everything went crumbling down. He shut me out of his life. We stopped everything we used to do. He dropped me off like a hot potato and pushed me into the drain. HE WALKED OUT, I was LEFT OUT.
He even sold me out on facebook. He posted about people from work were talking about him seeing someone. I tried reaching out to him but instead he posted to mind our own business and to go to the gym. It doesn't need rocket science to figure this one out. I know it was about me.
Just kept my distance and stay silent because I don't want to hurt him for the things that I might say.
Last Saturday, It was my last straw. I went berserk and walked out.
This whole thing made me question myself. It gives me self doubt. It made me question the fact that I can't make friends (in the real sense of the word). All I understand is, I have ISSUES. All this, I blame myself to. I felt like a nutcase.
I know we said sorry to each other. I am really sorry for the things that I have put you through. I'M SO SORRY I AM DIFFICULT.
I would like to go back to where we were but things changed and that's just the way it is. This time I think you were wrong. YOU ARE NOT LETTING GO. You are giving up but it's okay. because this time I know where I stand. I KNOW WHERE TO GO.
